Saturday, November 13, 2010

Letter to the Lottery Folks

It's Saturday.

I'm not a millionaire.

That can only mean one thing. The LottoMax has once again let me down.

Another week of feeding the kids the cheap bologna that tastes suspiciously like weasel meat. Another week of drinking el cheapo coffee that I'm fairly confident has a 30/70 beetle to coffee bean ratio in it. mmmm... beetley coffee.

Honestly though I don't much mind being less than affluent. We're far from poor, I recognize that - we have running water, food (sort of), heat, electricity and the real necessities like capers and sun dried tomatoes in our cupboard. I think anyone who has capers in their cupboard must be doing alright.

Although I got my capers at walmart. I was shocked that walmart had capers... I'm not even certain what capers are... just that they taste salty and I like that. Hold on - I'm going to google this....

Hmmm... capers are the pickled buds of the Capparis spinosa bush in the Mediterranean... They are about the size of a pea, and the pickled variety (the kind most people are familiar with - the very expensive little jars of capers you see at fancy stores, and now, apparently, walmart) pack a heck of a flavor punch! I like to chop them into salads... I also like to just eat them... Go to a fancy resturaunt and order a side of capers - I dare ya...

The other thing I got at walmart was my small jar of sundried tomatoes - another pantry item I consider a symbol of relative affluence... have you ever tried sundried tomatoes... they kind of taste like my socks. They cram a bunch of shriveled up tomatoes into a jar, fill it with oil, and sell it for a rediculous amount of money so people like me can go 'oooh! sundried tomatoes!', buy them, put them in their pantry next to their Walmart Capers, and never ever use them. I have no idea what to do with sundried tomatoes... what kind of meat goes well with 'old sock'???

No my sundried tomatoes just sit on my pantry shelf and mock my inability to come up with a good reason to use them. Next to the capers I mostly just eat straight out of the jar.

While I feed my family weasle-bologna sandwitches and beetly coffee.

My 5 year old loves bologna. He would happily eat nothing but bologna and ketchup sandwitches for the rest of his life. He enjoys taking the bologna out, folding it in half and biting a bite from the middle so that when he opens the bologna slice there is a hole in the middle. He then holds it up to his face, looks through the hole and announces "Look mom! A Pig Bum!!". I have no idea where he heard this, but I haven't the heart to tell him just how close to the truth he likely is.

Well now that this has degenerated into a discussion of pig bums I suspect it's best I leave it alone now.

Hope this finds you all well...

Till the next dose.



  1. to my capers and sundried tomatoes are Pine nuts and red pepper jelly. I think you should come up with a recipe to use all four so I can get rid of them!!!

  2. Ha!! I totally have pine nuts next to mine too!!!


  3. Émilie loves capers, she eats them right off the jar too. We get ours from Costco. I wonder if it would be cheaper from WM... She eats almost a jar a week.

  4. Julie their seriously like 3$ for a medium jar at WM - I was surprised at how cheap they are... and their the 'jumbo' capers, so they have some serious flesh going on!

    mmm... fleshy capers.