Saturday, November 13, 2010

Last Dose of the Day.

I was discussing pets with a Facebook friend tonight.
It started off with a comment on the pig that occupied my last blog post - the pig bum picture...

Yea that's the one.

Then it rambled onto a discussion on how I would have trouble keeping a pet pig (as much as I'd love to - cause that would be awesome and I'm pretty sure it would piss my neighbor off, so yay on 2 accounts!) simply because in my early morning delerium, and general state of 'food-zombieness' that has overcome me as of late, I would likely have trouble differentiating between my pet pig, and a walking slab of bacon.

That's a heart to heart I'd rather not have to have with my children anytime soon.

It got me thinking about other 'wierd pets'. I'm no stranger to unconventional pets. My poor mother, who thinks a cat that is more than one color is exotic, was subjected to a 14 year old girl who insisted on having frogs, newts, mice, fish, skinks, turtles and a whole army of different bugs to sustains said pets within her room. I was banished to sleep downstairs because the crickets and the frogs were too noisy at night to have my room on the same floor as anyone else. I remember feeling like I was sleeping in a freaking jungle - and it was fantastic.

Anyways - now that I'm an adult I feel like I live in a wonderland of 'pet options'... and oh the options.

We inherited a Bearded Dragon a few years ago and he lived with us for 18 months before he passed away - he was a GREAT pet, but admittedly did very little... mostly he just sat there and gave Tyler a reason to tell people he had a pet Dragon that hadn't yet learned to breath fire.

After Bobby-Joe died we had to find a replacement as his empty cage just made my 7 year old son cry. So we (naturally) bought a few Whites Tree Frogs... these are the chestire cats of the frog world.

They are seriously hilarious - though again, they do very little. They hide during the day. I am assuming they come out and eat their worms at night - considering the one we still have (we wont discuss the one we dont have any longer - the kids think she's on a 'froggycation' and we will just leave it at that) is HUGE and the worms are dissapearing. I certainly HOPE he comes out and eats them at night.

Now at the moment, given our current situation, our pet selection process is very much dictated by 'what animal can I completely neglect for up to 2 weeks without a major risk of killing it?'. Whites Tree Frog - bingo.

Where our options a little more open I would be ALOT more creative.

So a run down of my bucket-list of totally awesome pets I'd love to have some day:

10. DeGlanded Skunk. Apparently skunks make fantastic house pets if you catch them early enough and have their stink removed. Sounds like alot of work - but then folks get their cats fixed and load them up on expensive shots, so I don't see a huge difference... I'd love to have it mostly just to scare the crap out of people.

9. Stick Bug - Just because that's how I roll.

8. Clownfish - I'd totally eat a clown fish if I had the chance.

7. Poison Dart Frogs - these suckers are hard as heck to keep alive, and require fruit flies to eat - now I spend most of my days fighting the scourge that is fruit flies, so the idea of willingly breeding them makes me throw up in my mouth a little. (giant worms that turn into giant beetles, crickets, and miniworms that make mini beetles dont bother me at all but fruit flies apparently cross the line) But you can get totally stoned if you lick the blue poison dart frogs which could bode well for this blog. The yellow ones will kill you though so don't lick those.

6. Goats. I would just love to have a goat. Unfortunately I suspect they would suffer the same fate as my bacon-pig... I love goat meat... it would be a hard temptation to resist. And a hard indulgence to explain - The kids would be awfully pissed at me if they came home and I was roasting Roofus on a spit in the front yard. (and I totally would)

5. Miniature Horses - this one is for Tyler - he insists they are the perfect size for our yard. He wants one so he can ride it to school and all the kids will think he's cool. I think it's a perfectly logical argument and where it not against the law in our town to keep livestock in our front yard, I would totally be all over this.

4. Carrion Beetles - I'd love a tank of carrion beetles - you throw something dead in the tank and in 48 hours you have one of those pristine, lily white skeletons you see on display at museums... how cool would that be?? And cheap to feed! Just have to hope they dont escape... I would likely have to just move away if that happened.

3. Jumbo Cricket - Only because I would put a top hat on it and teach it to sing and dance. I totally would.

2. Bobcat - Because their awesome. And I could train it to eat salesmen.

And finally - my number one - top of my list of strange pets I'd love to someday have living with my family...

1. A Big White goose In A Diaper - yes - they make diapers for geese and apparently they make fantastic pets... I just love the idea of a diapered goose running around my house, messing with my kids toys, eating leftover crap from under our table... Excellent.

And thus concludes my diatribe on pets. So many options - only one life.

For now we will stick with our 'you-couldn't-kill-them-if-you-tried' variety (granted we're still plenty capable of sending them on extended 'froggycations') and maybe someday when our life slows down and we have the time and wherewithall to dedicate to more complex pets we will consider our stick-bug or skunk or (oh please!) goose-in-a-diaper.

One can dream.

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